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Astar, Hero of The People

June 23, 2008

Do you remember Astar the Robot?

I sure as heck do. I can remember this as one of the coolest PSA’s ever made. I used to love the commercial breaks on Saturday morning between Thundercats and Transformers, because there was a chance I might be able to see the Astar commercial. I wanted to be Astar. I wanted to be able to put my arm back on if I didn’t play safe. When I was growing up I didn’t know anyone who had their arm sawed off in an industrial accident, and I like to think that Astar was directly responsible for that.

However, looking at the video now, my adult brain starts whirring and clicking and thinking about the things that my child brain didn’t consider. Is Astar a boy or a girl? The voice makes it kind of hard to tell. Is Astar some kind of superhero robot? I mean – it leaps up the side of a building and stands on the side of it like Spider-Man. Astar then leaps, spins, rips open walls and stands on narrow pipes.

Is Astar some kind of espionage robot sent into this massive factory in order to shut it down? I mean, obviously something nefarious is going on as Astar gets inside and then opens up it’s radar-dish ears to track down some kind of signal. I think we can all agree that Astar is searching down the reactor core for this monstrous manufacturing facility in order to plant some kind of thermal detonator in order to blow the whole place sky high. Why else would the factory’s autonomous security features attack the robot? Clearly the machines were trying to shear off Astar’s head, but Astar dodged and they got the robot in the shoulder instead. Can Astar put his head back on? I would doubt it. Loss of brain function would probably shut the robot down on the spot. The factory’s security computers would know this, as this isn’t the first time that the rebel forces who built Astar have tried to shut the machines down. But do you blame the rebels? Wouldn’t you want to shut down a factory that builds Fryodyne Cosmatomic Death Rays™?

Astar is obviously a hero of this far-away planet, a hero built by rebel forces trying to shut down the war machine that has plunged their society into thousands of years of fighting and death.

Go, Astar. Go. Put your arm back on and kick some ass.

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